Thursday, August 20, 2009

Day 3 - It still sucks

Today I woke up depressed. My body felt like it was glued to the bed. Thank goodness for our new puppy who wanted me to get up something fierce. Her little bladder couldn't hold it any longer.

I really feel like a loser. As if somehow this is my fault. For doing my job? For caring too much? For helping others stand up for themselves against bully managers. That must have been it. It's not good to build people up and educate them. Keep the masses down and subservient so they will be more easily manipulated.

Speaking of bullying, go to this website and print this off in case you need it someday it has great information for employees. The best part is The Corporation had a policy on bullying for international locations but not for the U.S. So, if your manager is a bully and you are located in the U.S. too bad for you. Suck it up and keep on moving. Those of you reading this know that generally speaking, HR reps are never an advocate for the people right? They belong to the company. With the exception of several I have known at The Corporation. That's why you need to go in to the HR office at least once a year and take a complete copy of your personnel file. Companies have been known to slip 'extra' items into a personnel file to justify whatever they need the outcome to be. Believe me, any company is capable. A christian organization did it to me. Being aware and informed can save your career. You can't take your file out of the HR office but that's okay, you can stand there and copy it. It's the law you can copy your file. It is about you and all the information is yours. Also, make friends with the worker bees in HR. They are the only ones who know what is going on and they aren't treated any better than the rest of us. They just have to smile more.

So, can you tell I'm in a crappy mood? I haven't unpacked the boxes from my car yet. I'm not ready. I'll do it tomorrow. What does 15 years of work look like?
Stuff. Trinkets and memories and accomplishments. I know I'll cry again. I wouldn't mind crying if I looked like Ingrid Bergman or Vivian Leigh (I'm dating myself) anyway, they were beautiful when they cried. Me. I look like the bitter beer face man. Blotchy and snotty and gross. My eyelids swell shut. I look like I have some sort of plague. That's why I cry in the privacy of my home when at all possible. Saying good bye on Tuesday at The Corporation I broke the rule. I cried for hours. With each hug and 'I love you Kate'. It was tremendously devastating. My heart felt as if it was going to fall down to my feet. What a blessing to have known all those amazing people. They made me a better person.

Can you blame me for being so depressed. Wouldn't you be if you had to leave that much unconditional love? I know there were those who didn't love me but so what, we just left each other alone. I know I can be a bitch. I freely admit to that. However, I have earned that right. Throughout my life I have fought for everything I have ever wanted. From the time I was four years old until, well, until I die I suppose, I will keep fighting. I worked three jobs as a single mom, went to school, lived without and I can do that again if need be. I'll just be a little slower now. I like to take my time.

Speaking of bitch; isn't it funny how on performance reviews a woman can be listed as 'difficult to get along with' when we know they mean bitch, but a man will be called assertive and a leader when displaying the same actions. Unfair. Now boys, you know I love you and you know it is as true as the day is long. So don't get mad at that statement. There is still a big glass ceiling above us women and I am hoping my granddaughters will smash it to pieces once and for all as they grow into the working world.

I think I will go and introduce my puppy to the lake. I'm sure that will enhance my mood.

Be back in a little while.

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